Last Laugh: Ask Ms. Moose
Well, looks like we’re here for another edition of What Ails You? I’m your host, Ms. Moose, here to answer all your burning questions.
Dear Ms. Moose,
My idiot son-in-law has gifted us a 60-pound turkey for Thanksgiving. Since, for some reason, he and my daughter always spend holidays on the Vineyard with his idiot family, our gathering will consist of myself, my husband, and my husband’s 106-year-old great-grandmother, who lives exclusively on hot Jell-O and snuff. My question is: How do you cook a 60-pound turkey? Is 30 pounds of turkey per person too much? And what do we tell Grandma, who has already named the bird Gobbledegook and has taken to feeding him hard candy and reading aloud to him from Reader’s Digest?
—Thanks, But No Thanks
Illustration by Brad Fitzpatrick