Dear Ms. Moose:
My relatives have been declining my special homemade fruitcakes for years, citing allergies. When I asked what they were allergic to, Aunt Hetty pointedly replied, “Cat,” referring to one minor incident of pet hair contamination in 1993. Last year, things came to a head. I had a little too much wassail and ended up stuffing a whole fruitcake into my face, through rivers of tears, in front of my entire family. I promptly swelled up like an inflatable lawn Santa. Turns out I’m the one with the allergies. Now the secret’s out that I never taste-tested my own work. My question is: Should everyone still get a fruitcake this year? — Hoisted On My Own Pecan . . .
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Illustration by Brad Fitzpatrick